More

The Beginning

• Toby & Rudy • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Welcome to more - Join us in our first episode, listen to a brief into of us,the concept of more and how/why we started this podcast.

Get in touch, we would love to hear from you - Hello@tobyandrudy.com


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SPEAKER_01:

We live in a world that never stops offering more. More to buy, more to scroll, more to numb, and more to escape. Until the wanting becomes normal and stopping feels impossible.

SPEAKER_00:

And somehow, the harder we chase it, the more burnt out, anxious, addicted, and disconnected we become.

SPEAKER_01:

This is More, a podcast hosted by people with lived experience of addiction, mental health issues, trauma, and neurodiversity. Where the pursuit of more led us to rock bottom and has since led us to finding alternative ways to live.

SPEAKER_00:

Each week we have raw, honest conversations with each other and our guests, grounded in lived experience, about what the chase takes from us and what's possible when you stop running.

SPEAKER_01:

Through these conversations, we hear a diverse collection of stories and experiences from those who have found an alternative way to exist in the world.

SPEAKER_00:

These conversations are recorded in a single take, with no editing, so what you hear is real and unfiltered. Some names and places may be changed in order to protect those sharing their stories.

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to Moore. My name's Toby. And my name's Rudy. Hi Rudy. I just want to take a minute actually and just you know, be in the present. Enjoy this. And if if if future me or us is listening back, remember to stay present. I love you and keep doing the next right thing. Yeah. The next best decision. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Well I think it'd be quite nice to have a little bit of a sort of introduction on the both of us, bit of background. I think further down the line we should do sort of like a full episode on ourselves.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

For sure.

SPEAKER_00:

I think for now just a quick introduction of you know what who we are, you know, why and what. I guess.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, agree. So wouldn't you kick us off, mate? Who are you?

SPEAKER_00:

Who are you? Yeah. I think so. I I I I was born and raised in the Northeast, in a small part of the Northeast, working class background, and you know, I l I left home. I lived a chaotic early stage in my life. I left home and moved down south, and you know, the same chaos just followed me around. And you know, I guess I guess over the over the last two years I've came into recovery and you know now it's allowed me to look back and clearly see all of the patterns and how they're all connected and you know the journey the journey that has brought me to today. Yeah, right here now on this podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

I suppose it's important to mention that we obviously met each other through a 12-step programme. Yeah. That we, you know, is local to us and that's how we got to know each other. Yeah. How did you how did you come to be in a 12-step?

SPEAKER_00:

I w I was in treatment in 2024. Feel like time just flies by. 2024 after having mental health issues primarily, and you know, it was there in treatment that I had to surrender to my addictions, and you know, that was that was how I was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous, and my first meeting was in Chiang Mai in Thailand. Reluctantly, only went along because it was a chance to get out of the facility that I was in, and I heard it was good coffee, but then once I got there and I heard I heard an American guy share, and you know, that's kind of when it hit home, and I realised, you know, that that was where I needed to be. Yeah, right. Yeah, and then I think we met, I came back in October, and that was one of your first meetings.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's right. You were at my first meeting, weren't you? Yeah, our local Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And it was one of my first meetings coming home as well. Oh it was, yeah. I didn't know that. Oh yeah. Yeah, because when did you come? It was Octo was it October? November. Yeah, yeah. So I I got back I got back last week of October.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, so I didn't know that, that's cool.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so funny.

SPEAKER_01:

Nice. Well um so then since you you came back into the UK where explain explain to me and to people listening, how did you go from sort of like a 12-step program pretty pretty straightforward I'll call them, to figure out figuring out that you know, maybe there's more underneath the surface than just being an addict.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I think, you know, for me this has been a a long journey for pretty much a whole decade. And you know, I w I've been doing therapy for a decade and different trying different things, and it was always with like an aim of I can see now, instead of just accepting who I am, it was always like I need to fix this, this is wrong, I need to know what this is to try and fix this, and constantly going round in circles, you know, and yes, it's it's been a long decade, and there's been ups and downs, you know, lots of downs. And I th I think I've I've been quite lucky that I had a great therapist who introduced me into as we've we've spoken about, like the gabal matters way of looking at things, yeah, yeah. And just an alternative way from it just being, you know, you you're depressed, take some medication, you you're an addict, you have a disease of addiction, it's more how it's all related, and you know, it's a big web, and I don't quite it's not that I disagree with certain things, I can just see now that I understand more is that it's more complex than yeah, 100%, you know. And I guess like you from your experience, how have you found that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, the the same, you know, yeah, I mean, we'll get into my stuff in a bit, I suppose, but yeah, that you know, addiction is something that I suffer with without a shadow of a doubt. A 12-step programme is something that I need to do and have in my life. But yeah, the more uh personal work I've done, the more therapy, the more I've let my awareness expand into other sort of disciplines, maybe, you know, the more I've realized that maybe addiction is a symptom of more and you know the Gabri Mathe sort of thinking or that those types of people, you know, a lot of it begins with trauma. And you know, I I certainly have experienced trauma. And so from from from my experience, I've sort of experienced in hindsight, it's it's I you know I have to keep reminding myself, in hindsight, you know, I've never known this all along, but you know, in hindsight, looking back, I can kind of see the patterns forming now from traumas rather than the addictions causing the traumas and then feeding the addictions. So, you know, along along that queue, really.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. And I th I think that's it, isn't it? Understanding like, you know, as I said, I went to treatment and you know, the aware the awareness, it kind of gives you a foundation, it's like an education into a life in recovery and why those things have well for me it was as why those things happened and how they're related and how to accept it and let go of things. And I think y you know, those for me, it's it's all of those things like the addictions, the ADHD, you know, the other the other stuff. I'd all just feels like it was coping mechanisms for those early traumas, and and you know, the way your brain's wired from such an early thing has become, you know, something that I've looked at a lot because it just makes so much sense trying to like those those patterns that you have ingrained from such an early age, trying to change those, it's a lifelong process. And it's you know, it's it is it is a it's been a funny old journey.

SPEAKER_01:

But but looking looking back now, you know, even just 12 months, I bet, you know, the the the change you can see is incredible.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I think you know, I've I've I've had good runs in the past, but I've always was you know drinking and using. This is the the only time where I've you know had a bit of stability where I'm not doing that this time. Yeah, you know, it's been a completely different experience. And yeah, so it's been interesting since coming back. And I think you know, everyone's experience is different. I think for me, and the way that my brain works, is that you know, w in times of crisis, those weekly therapy sessions or the fortnightly, you know, whatever sessions you're having, psychiatrists, DMDR, whatever it is, they're not they're not enough for anything to stick for me. So it took me to going into that treatment centre for three and a half months to get things to stick enough that I was gonna make a lasting change when I left. And you know, hopefully, so far so good. Yeah. Never know what's around the corner, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I guess that's part of the podcast, isn't it? Is sharing the journeys that we've been on, you know, in hope that people can resonate and you know find find find hope. And you know, we've we've been on similar journeys and and yeah, I guess it's that hope and educating people and things that it's you know there's not a lot out there is a lot out there, but uh there's a lot of fluff.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I and I think that's that's you know get some real talk on the go.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So so you know, w like I said, we're go we'll go over our past and how, you know, war stories and and and whatever and and how how we how we got to where we got to in individual episodes, because I know both yours and mine stories are complex ones. But yeah, so you got to treatment, you came out, I met you at I won't say where, NA. Then so that was a year and a half ago, thereabouts. What does what does a day for you look like now?

SPEAKER_00:

So a day for me right now is you know, I I stick to a recovery plan that I agreed when I was in treatment, and I try to expand it as and when when I feel ready. I get up, I journal, I pray, I read read some daily readings and self-affirmations, and then you know, I try to exercise every day, whether that's going for a walk, going to the gym, playing paddle when we can. And then, you know, I try I try to remain present. I guess for me, you know, I I've I've removed all of the social media platforms a l a long time ago, really. Well, I had I had I still had Twitter before treatment, I was still dabbling in crip crypto in the crypto in the in the crypto game. And you know, I've I've removed those. I I don't have any noise, I don't have any news apps. So you've gone full monk? Apart from LinkedIn. LinkedIn I think I think LinkedIn's the most toxic social media platform on that.

SPEAKER_01:

So I hear.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And you know, that's it. I'm not I'm I'm in a bit of a transformational phase, I would say, of doing new things before, you know, ultimately having to go back to go back to working the way that I was at some point. But for now it's it's at a much different pace, and it's given me the space for these new routines and habits, and you know, those to come to acceptance with with with certain things in my life and being able to move forwards with them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, nice, mate. Well, I I you know I consider it to have known you, you know, long enough to have an opinion on your life. But you know, I consider you someone who's, you know, and and from you know, from hearing that I'm sure you'll agree that very devoted to your recovery, very devoted to resetting your patterns and your mindset, you know, someone who's very devoted to finding another way, you know. And I think that's I think that's a really, really good and really important thing, and that's you know, they say in the in the rooms, don't they, the 12-step programme, but stick with the winners.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, and I consider you to be that, mate, you know, because thanks, mate. You have a good well don't prove me wrong. You know, you've got uh a good message and you know you you walk the walk, you know, whereas some people might talk the talk, if that makes sense. Yeah. So that's great, mate. So we've got you from the northeast, now living somewhere in the south of the UK. Presumably you don't have any family around.

SPEAKER_00:

No family or I've got I've got I've got a cousin not far, but other than that, you know, my family are dotted around. Few family still in the Northeast, but mostly around the UK and the world. I have my son here where I am, which is why I am where I am. Yeah, nice. And then I guess, you know, the the people I've met in the fellowship have become, you know, f like a family. Yeah, right. As, you know, before coming into recovery, I could have went through my whole phone book and there wasn't one sober clean person in there. So it's it's been a big shift, you know. And yeah, I think, you know, having my son close by has been a big, you know, part of wh why. I guess it's the why, the reason why I've committed to changing this and to to digging deep into the internal stuff to try and understand myself the best I can, I guess, so that I can show up in the world the best version of myself that I can.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Kids are, you know, kids are you know, I've My kids are my anchor, you know. Yeah. You know, with without without them, you know, rock bottom would have been a lot harder to get back up from.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I d uh feels funny saying it on a pod on a podcast, but I think you know, if if my son wasn't if I didn't have my son, then you know I probably wouldn't be here doing this podcast now.

SPEAKER_01:

Same yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. Which is you know, pretty crazy, isn't it? Sober in thought. Yeah. Excuse me. Okay, that's cool. Yeah. So well, what would you want to give a little overview and a background on yourself as well? Yeah. Go on there in the first episode.

SPEAKER_01:

A little teaser. My name's Toby. I'm obviously not called Toby Lerone. That's just one of my favourite jokes from childhood. I'm from sort of the Mid Wales Shropshire border area. I am the spawn of hippies, I think is the word. A sort of like like proper sort of old school hippies. My I think when my mum found out she was pregnant with me, she lived in a bus, like sort of hippie commune styling. I've quite quite a few of them in a bus on top of a Welsh mountain. So yeah, and from there you know, I've had a very what most people tell me is interesting life. I've been all over the world really. I was in the military for uh an amount of time and yeah, I now reside somewhere in the south of the UK as well. I came into recovery or let's say, you know, I hit rock bottom in Octo why was that in the you know, it was it was quite a long rock bottom for me actually You know, I I I came into recovery the first of November twenty four but my my rock bottom was you know immediately leading up to that but it had been a pretty traumatic sort of seven years. Yeah, yeah, demise, you know, I've you know m my my my traumas and you know whatever started young anyway, but you know it the the the stitching started coming undone, let's say, over there. So yeah, I came into recovery the first November 24 since then Jesus I mean everything's changed, everything's had to change, you know. You know, I say I say now, you know, my name's Toby and I'm an addict but I am an addict of more, you know, and that's kind of where we got sort of started with the concept of this podcast a bit really is you know and and where I got my first grasps of there must be more to this was was because you know the anonymous programs, you know, like NA, AA, the 12-step programs, I apply to all of them. You know? Yeah. If it's got anonymous after it, uh there's a seat at the table for me. And I've been to since coming into recovery, I've been to multiple A's, pretty much all the ones we have around here, and you know, but yeah, I I I apply for all of them without a shadow of a doubt. And that sort of along with you know the help from my amazing sponsor brought me to the realisation that I'm I'm an addict of more. You know, it doesn't really matter what it is, you know, it's not it's not just substances, it's behaviours and people, places, things, as they say, and in the rooms and but anything or everything. So yeah, looking back at my sort of past with hindsight, I can see how I've fitted into all of those, and the you know, the reoccurring thing is and what I've become to understand is using, you know, as we call it, using, but not just using drugs, you know, using people to get places ahead, using you know, food, sex, you know, pornography, and it's no matter what it is, if it changes the way I feel, you know, I very quickly get addicted to it. And then going on from that, I was kind of a bit like well, why? You know, what?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I and I think like since coming into recovery and knowing what you know now, how does it how does it feel like compared to when you were in that chaos and you never you only you know what they you only know what you only know, yeah man. And it just feels like that information.

SPEAKER_01:

I've you know, it's it's incredible that I couldn't see that I was an addict. And it it you know, it is baffling. It's absolutely baffling if I knew then what I know now. And like, you know, you see people now and you think, Jesus. Yeah. Oh and but you can't you can't you can't do you can't give people realisation and stuff like that. So yeah, the the the more thing led me to kind of thinking, well what is more? You know, and I I've been diagnosed with autism, autism. That's like the posh version of autism.

SPEAKER_00:

I must have the shitty version.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, mate. So, you know, you know, I'm I'm prone to addictive behaviours because of that, obsession, compulsion, you know. So I've done, you know, loads of therapy with neurodivergent specialists, blah blah blah. But then, you know, I discovered this whole thing that I didn't really know much about apart from using it in slang, is dopamine.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And then the molecule of more, you know, it is that you know, that is what you're actually addicted to, you know, or what I'm actually addicted to. You know, it's uh it's I know I know I'm I know I'm not addicted to sex because you know, if I was a sex addict, you know, I could just marry another sex addict, and then you know, uh the world would be, you know, perfect. I could just but it doesn't work like that because I just as as soon as I got into a relationship, I'd I'd be done with them. Yeah. Because it's the hunting, the chasing, the thing, you know, and it's the same with porn, it's the same with drink, it's the same with drugs, it's the same with food, you know. I always feel the guilt afterwards when the dopamine wears off.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And for me, you know, it's kind of as simple as that. You know, I have been addicted to substances, you know, like you're currently how many days into not vaping?

SPEAKER_00:

Two.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You know, I gave up smoking not that long ago, you know, and I've smoked since I was 12 years old. Um, that's hard, man. That's that's that's a substance, you know. And a serious one, really, because it makes me feel like shit. Yeah, you know, I I honestly does. If the first fag in the morning makes me feel like crap, yeah. But I still do it. But yeah, you know, that's an addictive substance. And as soon as I got my head around the whole addiction patterns and you know, stuff working the steps and coming to understand how that works, I was like, well, that needs to go as well. Yeah. And it and it and it's doable when you understand, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, I've been trying trying for however long, a long time to stop. Yeah. But this this feels like, you know, I don't know why I didn't just try and wean off before.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, mate.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel ready now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. If anyone's listening and they're they're they they're vaping, please stop. Yeah. It is God, we so addicted.

SPEAKER_00:

The juice there's more to life than the juicy peach. Which was my flavour of choice. Yeah. And and you know, I guess I guess just on you, you know, I guess how how how how has your life changed, I guess, since you come into recovery? And you know, give us a little bit of insight into that as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so the the main changes for me have been I want to say psychologically, I think that's the word. Like, so I've done a huge amount of work on myself and and continue to do so. It's not, you know, um by no means you know, there. So it's it for me, it's changed more in let's say, in like self-awareness, you know, again, autism. I'm I'm I'm prone to being sort of, you know, one-track mind, very limited empathy, very small feelings, yeah, range.

SPEAKER_00:

And I guess that's where we can rela, you know, I have that as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, totally. So the big ones that have come up for me, you know, having the awareness of that, so you know, I can be conscience, conscious when I'm sort of in a relationship, a friendship, you know, even with at work, you know, I can I can be empathetic, I can, I can take a pause now, I can does this need to be said, does this need to be said by me? Does it need to be said now? Stuff like that. A lot around my sort of home setting, my relationships like with my children, the mother of my children, you know, I'm a lot more present, definitely, you know. I I don't think I was pr really present. You know, there, and and if you're listening to this, you'll know what I mean. You know, I was there, but I wasn't there, you know. This weird grey ground where like, you know, you're kind of just going through the motions, but outwardly looking alright, inwardly just glossing over everything.

SPEAKER_00:

But and I I think that's part of the podcast, really, isn't it? The whole world is doing that. Yeah. The the consumption more. We're being fed more.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

People are more than happy to scroll Instagram for three or four hours rather than go and do some exercise.

SPEAKER_01:

Don't look inwards, whatever you do. I mean, you only have to look at adverts, man. So I don't I don't have TV. Yeah. I've just got like, you know, I don't know what you call it, smart TV in it. So like, you know I don't know if we're allowed to say stuff like this, who who knows? Netflix and stuff like that. You know, I don't have things and then I went to someone's house, I can't remember what when it was, and they had like normal TV on. And that and I'd forgotten about adverts, you know, because you you have them on you know YouTube or whatever, don't you? But you just ignore them. Yeah. And I d who who is buying things off these adverts to make them still go?

SPEAKER_00:

Anyway, I mean those ones on YouTube, those dehumidify bags that you put in the microwave. Those are the kind that I get on there, these gadget.

SPEAKER_01:

It's you, it's you, you're the bloke making these. So yeah, you only have to like and and it was it was really painful. And I remember like sitting there watching the TV and the advert come on, and it was like, it was literally like the first so I'll do an it, I'll do an impression of it. So it's like four adverts back to back, yeah. So it's like the first one was like dun dun dun dun, you're you're fat. By buy this thing, look at this glamorous ballerina dancing around on the stage by our diet pill, and you can be thin and gorgeous. And I was like, oh, that's a bit on the button. And the next one was like, We've brought out a new car, it's exactly the same as the other car, but it's got like oh some kind of useless added something or other that you don't need, but you need to get it now. If you buy it now, you get like an extra six percent off. And I was like, wow, and then I can't remember what the other but it was it was so in my face, I was like, Yeah. You know, and that they're relentless, they're like loud, they're bright, they're beautiful people, they're the next new thing, which is exactly the same, you know, it's just more. It's like get consume more, buy more, drink more, go on holiday more, go, yeah, go out, and then you'll feel oh, do you feel like shit? What you need to do is spend some money, that'll make you feel better and go somewhere else. That'll make you feel better.

SPEAKER_00:

Rather than just disconnecting from it all, yeah, mate.

SPEAKER_01:

Understanding. And that's another massive thing that so like yourself, when I came into recovery, I didn't go into treatment, I sort of just I took myself out of society effectively. Just disconnected from everyone, you know. I was I was so I was so lost. I was, you know, uh I I wasn't me. I mean for a long time. I was kind of like just just in in in the background, kind of watching my life through, you know, through these big eye-shaped holes in the distance. And I got rid of all social media, deleted them all, like permanent delete, not like logged out, whatever, got got rid of them all, got rid of my phone, bought a proper old school, you know, like drug dealer phone, yeah, yeah, boner phone, you know, dropped all my clients, you know, who I was people pleasing and vinging for, and just and just stopped everything. And that the the huge part was the withdrawals from my phone were if if not worse, but the same as they were for, you know, yeah drugs.

SPEAKER_00:

But and I I think that even not having any no news, no YouTube, no social media, nothing on my phone, the amount of times that I pick it up and just check the most ridiculous app and I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing man? Yeah, like oh man, let's let's just have a quick look, man.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I was I was talking about this with someone from the rooms the other day. I was like, I still so so now I I'm back on a smartphone now because obviously, you know, I did I did I think nine months without a phone, yeah. And you know what what I got from that was ironically my phone's ringing now was amazing. And then but it does become really hard to do things like uh you know, because then you've got to buy a sat nav. Yeah, you know, and all these things. So I've I've now gone back to a smartphone, but I don't have I don't have any of the any of those apps whatever. But I still, even though after having that break and not having things so nearly nearly a year and a half, still pick up my phone, unlock it, scroll to the second page of apps, yeah. Third page of apps, and I'm like, what doing? Meh, I will there's nothing and I'm like I'm looking for something to click on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And and there's nothing there, and then I I catch myself and I'm like, oh, that's not good, mate. Yeah, yeah, you know, fucking put it down.

SPEAKER_00:

I do it, meh. I I'll go on the my smartwatch app, check my heart rate, when I can see it on the screen on my watch that's on my wrist anywhere, then I'll scroll it into my workout app and check my progress, count how many times I've been, you know, and then just clicking through non check on I barely go to any gigs anymore, but I'll always check on the Twickets app and see what last-minute gig tickets are for sale in Bristol, but never go. It's just like nonsense, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, mate. Um and you know, that's that's terrifying. I personally I think phones, you know, and I don't you know, we don't need to get into the realms of conspiracy theories or anything like that, but I think phones are designed not deliberately but just because of circumvention or whatever, you know. That's what people want more of, and we put more of it on there, are now designed as you know, a drug. Yeah. It's a fucking drug.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a distraction, I think.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't look up Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Cool. Well um so let's talk more about the podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. We the plan is at the moment, you know, like I say, this is episode one. We are planning to have a long and fruitful career in podcasting. Yeah. Retire in like a year being YouTube billionaires, etc. etcetera. The no tricks. Essentially, f well in in my mind and correct me if I'm wrong, I think our our our broad broad brackets plan for the podcast is to do an episode a week where we want to get guests on, or we are getting guests on from across the entire spectrum of kind of the well-being community. Yeah. You know, from addiction, you know, which is where we kind of start and and and go onwards throughout all of the disciplines of that, I think it'd be good.

SPEAKER_00:

Mental health issues, you know, we've we both have a history of that, and I guess we're bringing our lived experience to to sh to share, you know, hoping that the people who listen to the podcast can resonate and find hope. Yeah. You know, and I think the addiction, the mental health, people who've suffered trauma, trauma comes in all shapes and falls. Yeah. And then, you know, the the neurodiversities, which you know is becoming ever present in daily lives and you know, in the media, and I think you I I guess it's it's kind of you know shedding light on b on different people's experiences.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it'd be amazing, and it and it will be amazing. Yeah, I think between us we've probably got the entire alphabet of sort of disorders and whatnot, haven't we? Labels. Yeah. But yeah, um, and and and I'm I'm really interested to see how it all ties together. I think there will be like I'm really hoping there'll be like some kind of common ground for ever for every for everyone, no matter what sort of guest we have on, let's call it a discipline, yeah. Whether it's uh you know some kind of neurodiversity specialist or you know, a a therap EMDR therapist or a recovering addict or a you know, a recovery coach, etc. etc. I think they will find something in everything. Yeah. Because I know I certainly have and it it's nice to to give that awareness to people as well. Yeah. And uh meet some interesting characters along the way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because there's some serious characters coming our way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. And I I I I think I think that's it, you know, and I think just bringing bringing that, like the real stories, you know, I guess I guess having that more raw side. I I think, you know, from my experience of the wellness podcast world, there's a lot of celebrities who are bringing a very different side of those making those changes. There's still is is inspirational, transformational, yeah. But I think you know, just bringing bringing things that are a little bit more real and that you know everyone can can connect with. Yeah, totally. And I think that's what hope, yeah, and hopefully have that connecting factor throughout. Which, you know, is more. More.

SPEAKER_01:

More the molecule of more, yeah, absolutely, mate. So that's that's that's mega. Let's let's have a little recap just for ourselves' sake and so others know. How have we got to this exact spot since we were like, should we do a podcast? Yeah. Well what you know uh well a bit of an idea of what what it actually takes to get here, because what when um when we sort of first talked about it, I was like, yeah, just what by by like, you know, when you're in school and you have those like little square microphone thing that you stick it on the table, yeah, yeah, and you just like oh do some really shit music around it and just talk shit. And then, you know, I think quite quickly we both realised that you know we we want this to make a difference and hit some people, yeah, and not be shit. So we you know, I'm I'm sat here today in front of a purpose-built podcasting, you know, mixing deck, really, yeah, where I've got like you know, pads for with different music on and intro, outro, and that sort of thing, and faders. Oh, and I can do stuff like this. Oh no, I better not hit that one. I'll save that for another episode. Wh which has made this uh a real thing, you know, and and then we've gone down the route of like proper microphones because we want to sound clear and you know, don't we want it to be an off-putting thing, you know, if the message is good but it sounds crap.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I I think it's similar to you know the commitment to recovery, isn't it? It's yeah doing it right and being committed to making a difference through this medium of what is it, and is it entertainment education?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Somewhere in the middle of that. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, headphones and like it's a it's so we've got a legit setup, yeah, basically. And then we we sort of thought, oh well, let's let's just go for it. And then we realised we needed an intro song. Yeah. So we reached out to a couple of people. Turns out that can take quite a while because you know it's it's it's not a small thing at all, you know. You have to script and design and you know, and then we came across well, you'd already used it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but I I was introduced to AI music, yeah, which is mental. So our soundtrack is our own lyrics played through AI, where you know, we we input the style and the tempo and and all that sort of thing that we wanted in the lyrics, and it and it coughed out a yeah, banger with much better vocals than me or you could. Yeah, I still I still do want to make a video where I'm pretending to sing it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you you'll hear that at the end of this episode, and the end of every episode, anyway. It's the background music under what you hear at the beginning, and then the outro is the full song. So, you know, that was a that was a whole evolution that we didn't see coming, but that was great fun. Since then, I've basically made an album Toby Your own lookout for me on Suno. And then so again, we were gonna we were quite convinced, weren't we, that we wanted to add Libit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, to keep it real, and and you know, I think we've had a good few sessions now sitting together and kind of getting to a point of where we wanna to kind of go.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I guess, you know, we are new to the podcasting world, so I think the more the more episodes we get in, hopefully, the more you guys enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, well, we can only get better. Uh so yeah, so then we thought, oh well, we'd better do sort of like an intro in words, isn't it? You know, just like this is so yeah, hook, there you go, because we've been doing proper research. You've got a book and everything, didn't you? And then, you know, that Christ. I mean, I thought that was going to be like a five-minute thing. That turned into hours of work, which was good fun, and we had to use a dictionary a few times, get some big words in there, and then you know, an episode template, so you know, we don't forget to put in some key information, yeah, and then sort of thought, well, we'll just go for it now, and that's that's where you find us sort of sat here today. But yeah, uh one big thing if you didn't hear it in the beginning, is we we will be doing all of our episodes one take, we don't do any editing. I thought that was really important. It's a bit different, and it is it's true, it's real life, it's raw, you know, people pause, there's awkward silences, maybe sometimes, and and and that's okay. And you know, we're not gonna let it go on for minutes. Um, you know, I think I think for me, the integrity that comes with that and it not being all chopped together and absolutely perfect as a listener makes you feel much more involved in a real life conversation.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I think you sure you you can feel the vulnerabilities of of of the people who are in discussion with with you know, that raw that unedited version, where I think it's very easy to manipulate that when you're editing.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, so we've we've got a couple of minutes left. I think I think it'd be nice to do a little bit of a recap on on today and then play these guys out with our tune.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I think it it was just a brief intro of who we are, but there'll be more on that, you know. We'll be sharing our stories as well as the guests we have on using and sharing our lived experience to, you know share that with the people who choose to listen to this podcast. I think the concept of more, which you discussed, I don't know if you want to say a bit more on that.

SPEAKER_01:

More the the hunt for more, I reckon we we essentially we live in a world, like it says in our intro, where more is is more than encouraged. It's it's almost shoved down our throats. And it'd be nice to be two people in that world trying to help people stay away from that, get away from it, learn another way, you know, and and and reconnect with themselves in in the real world here with us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I think you know, that's uh everything everywhere you look, people it's consumerism we drove to consume more and more.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I you know 100% of uh it's like just being looking at ways we can be more present and in the now because you know ultimately that is all we have, you know. As you see, you can't control the past or change predict the future. Yeah. Can't what is it? You can't can't change the past or predict the future. Yeah. You know, all we have is now, and I think a lot of the world are not living in the now.

SPEAKER_01:

No, totally. You know, uh the past is regret and you know, I see a lot of people living living like that, and it's sad, but it's it's kind of it's kind of today's culture, isn't it? You know, don't look up, just mm, you know, just strive for for more stuff to make you feel better temporarily. Yeah. Which is you know, yeah, uh and the opposite of of that is self-love, self-care, you know, boundaries, priorities.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And it's like what they said in I always remember from treatment is that they use the analogy of the aeroplane where you know the oxygen mask has to go on you first. Yeah. You know, and I think that's that's how a lot of people don't choose to live. Yeah, you can't help anyone. I certainly didn't. Yeah, right, yeah. And I think that's been one of the big factors of you know the big changes that I've seen in myself is that learning to love myself first. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I hope that people who listen to this can can find insight on how to start doing that, yeah. You know, through different perspectives and different, you know, as we said, the diverse guests that we're going to have on over time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And until you do learn to love yourselves, we'll love you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Oh sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, cool. Well, I think we'll wrap it up there. That was brilliant. I'm I'm really excited for what's coming up. So this is our song. I'm gonna thank you for listening. Have a little listen along. We'll see you next time. See you next time.

SPEAKER_06:

More to take, more to chase, more to know, more to escape, more screams, more pills, more noise, more thrill.

SPEAKER_05:

We wanted more. We lost ourselves. We paid the card.